My relationships have a big impact on me. Throughout the years, I’ve learned how to navigate them and set boundaries for myself and the people I invest my energy in. That will always be my close family, friends from my childhood and adolescence with similar values, and sometimes the inspiring, authentic, passionate people I meet abroad. Keeping courageous, curious, critically-thinking, system-questioning, and growth-seeking people in my circle is a necessity. This last month in Málaga has been defined by impressive energy, emotional highs, and new lessons learned due to prioritizing these relationships.
This blogpost will take you through my last month of activity and the reflections I had throughout the process, ending with the three best friends of my battery life.
This remarkable rollercoaster ride began a month ago, when my friend Anton from high school visited me in Málaga for the weekend. He’d been living in Spain for several months as an au pair. A few years ago, he moved to Ireland to pursue his passions and dreams. Instead of dedicating his two and a half days to the tourist attractions the city offers, my friend Lara, who lived with me in Santander last year and is now in Málaga as well, took the reins. She found two easy and popular hikes on the outside of Málaga city that we pursued instead of roaming the center, museums, and cafés all day.
weekend one, day one
We met up at the Dunkin Donuts (very fitting for us Americans) in the María Zambrano train station. We hopped from train to bus to get to the starting point of the Caminito del Rey—a 7.7-kilometer (4.8-mile) path built along a steep canyon and gorge. Before they built fences to prevent falling off the one-meter-wide path, this walk was rated the most dangerous walk in the world.
Before we began, there was a bright blue body of water just craving to be jumped into and appreciated. With an appetite for adrenaline, Anton stood at the edge of the rocks looking down into the starry Swarovski-like water. After lots of contemplation and discussion around the depth of the lake and what lies below the surface (and pushback from my anxiety of feeling responsible for anything bad that could’ve happened), Lara used her water-loving knowledge to measure depth and potential rocks via dropping a rock (aka mental physics). The coast was clear (I guess), so having faith, Anton jumped into the unknown. He was liberated and fine. Therefore, I was proud. Seeing that everything worked out for him made it so much easier to imagine myself jumping in after him (if the day was warmer than 60-something degrees Fahrenheit). Sometimes all it takes to be courageou is watching someone else do it first. (Key word: sometimes!)
When we finally got to the trailhead, we were given helmets to protect us from falling rocks. Thankfully, we didn’t get knocked out by any boulders this time, and got to fearlessly walk along the canyon. Taking our stroll about 300 meters above the gorge of the Guadalhorce River, we awed at the gifts of nature in front of us: the changing landscape we’d see every few turns, the orange and gray marble-patterned walls, the spurts of green and yellow leaves from the shedding trees, the slabs of rock that look like a topographic map turned into the side of the canyon’s side, the quick blue river so far below us. At the end of the less-than-two-hour trek, we sat and enjoyed the view from above, whipped out the bread and cheese Anton brought, and basked in the crisp air and warm sun.
weekend one, day two and a half
Our next adventure was taken with a tour group to El Torcal, a nature reserve in the mountain range just south of Antequera, a charming village known for its historical landmarks. We arrived at the beginning of the hike inside a cloud, with white mist surrounding us on all sides at an altitude of 1336 meters (over 4000 feet). Before watching an old and cheesy informational video about the magic behind the natural phenomena, Lara offered us her dried figs and Anton covertly slid out a recién hecho baguette in the presentation room with a clear no food/drink sign plastered in front of the television. Duty called, so eventually the new pack of gouda cheese came out, too. We were hungry and nervous about the weather, so there was no other answer than to store extra food in our system. To further satisfy cravings for warmth, Anton and I cheersed with a Bailey’s coffee before starting the trail.
Walking through the clouds in a place so unique made me feel like I was on another planet, existing as something other than human; I felt like I could’ve been a dinosaur, fairy, frog, wild cat and more based on the various locations, views, and flora. Rocks scattered the ground, and no wonder our calves were sore the next day—we played ‘the ground is lava’ almost the whole time, balancing and practicing our parkour on rocks of all sizes. Imagine a giant’s creation of his own rock-balanced village. That was El Torcal.
We got back from both hikes in the early evenings, and afterwards decided to take advantage to explore the center of Málaga. We came across a jazz festival in Plaza de la Merced, played on a kid’s zipline at the beach, and had delicious Indian food near the port. Anton and I caught each other up on our lives and goals and recent contemplations while he and Lara got to learn from each other and create their own bond through their mutual friend (me!!!) One of my favorite feelings is colliding my multiple worlds of relationships. Introducing people from different spheres of my life to each other brings me deep fulfillment.
When Anton left after the next morning’s delicious American(ish)-style breakfast at Panqueque, I immediately began thinking about my next adventure the following weekend in the north of Spain—visiting my partner and friends from last year. I also found out that my dad and step-mom would be coming to Málaga for two weeks, and that they’d arrive a day before I even got back from the north! Knowing that the next few weekends would also be action-packed with love and activities, I felt like I was living in the future rather than the present moment. The present became a transition I was passing through to get to the next emotional love-and-wonder high.
weekend two, all of it everywhere all at once
Being in a long-distance relationship is doable, but that doesn’t mean it’s not difficult. Immediately when I got to Bilbao, Alex and I took advantage of our time together. We made (he* made) arepas, went to the gym, attended an experimental Chinese art exposition at the gorgeous Guggenheim Museum, ate a bunch of tortilla, and hung out with some of his family. Between these events, I made it out to last year’s home of Santander to attend a pole dance workshop given by the acrobatic pole goddess Nikki, who I had the opportunity to learn from last spring at Ibiza Pole Camp. To give our muscles and bodies some love, my girlfriends from Fly & Free Pole Studio and I devoured some lunch at a favorite Santander poké spot. As the sun set in layers of pastel behind the peaks and across the beautiful Bay of Santander, I met up for churros and chocolate with my English-teaching friends. Let’s call that ‘watering multiple plants with one hose.’
Santander was full of nostalgic reunion, brisk catching up, and movement. That night, my girlfriends from pole and I went out dancing in Bilbao. Living in Chicago, the best nights out started at 11PM and ended at about three (or once in a blue moon, four) in the morning. Getting home with enough time before the sunrise still allowed me to wake up at a reasonable hour to conquer the following day. What I’ve learned about Spanish nightlife is that the night usually doesn’t start until after midnight and doesn’t end until at least six in the morning. This is my second year living in Spain, and I am still not used to hearing the birds chirping before I go to bed (in Chicago that was only acceptable when coming back from Smartbar iykyk). Regardless, the old proverb that time flies by when you’re having fun proved true that night.
weeks three and four
When I came back to the south to my parents visiting Spain for the first time, I was excited to bond with them and show them around. I was also nervous about my energy levels; I hadn’t fully repaid my sleep debt yet from the prior weekend. Getting six hours of sleep every night because of night owl habits and an early work schedule didn’t help the situation. I was showing up more than I felt able to, neglecting rest and prioritizing action.
Some of the marvelous moments shared with my parents included watching downtown Málaga’s Christmas lights turn on, visiting the monstera-dominated botanical garden, and watching our first flamenco show while eating the best patatas bravas I’d ever had. That being said, my step-mom’s delicious home-cooked meals are at the top of that list.
The biggest highlight from my parents’ visit was the Davis Cup tennis tournament coincidentally happening in Málaga that weekend, Serbia coincidentally playing, and my dad coincidentally being a big tennis fan. After struggling to find tickets for the first matches, we landed tickets for the semi finals to watch Serbia play Italy. Tennis is a huge thing in my household, so it was such a right-place-right-time moment for my parents and I, rooting for the motherland together from Málaga. My first pro tennis match was exhilarating and nerve wracking to watch. The blessing(s) in disguise of Serbia’s silly loss was that I didn’t need to choose whether or not I’d go to the finals the next day, my dad saved a couple bucks, and I got to catch up on my domestic duties before the school week began.
listening to my body vs. listening to my mind
I found myself contemplating: How do I know when I need a rest? How do I differentiate recharging while being hosted from recharging while hosting? Not only does the escapism of tiredness contribute to my forgetfulness when I don’t feel present, but also to my irritability and impatience. There were things I wanted to be doing to reboot my energy that I hadn’t been making time for, and I didn’t have much compassion for myself. As my top musician on Spotify for the fourth year in a row says, “nadie sabe lo que va a pasar mañana.” It was time to reprioritize.
I’m learning how much I value my me-time. Throughout these weeks, I realized what lingered away from my daily routine and found quick ways to effectively recharge my battery AND get the most out of the time I spent with loved ones.
a few things I learned (and deep down have always known) I required:
1. Take advantage of my free storage unit
Writing never fails to empty the shoulders of weight and the mind of thoughts. There are millions of thoughts running through my head when I’m at half percent battery life, such as when the hell am I gonna do all that other stuff, then I barely get sleep due to anxiety and mental organizing. When I feel overwhelmed or busy, writing is put on the backburner, which is pretty inconvenient in a stressed-out state. At the same time, reflecting on the memories created brings me great joy because of how centering it feels. Fortunately enough, my journal is a free storage unit for all my thoughts, reflections, and stresses.
2. Listen to my body
I felt very physically and emotionally satisfied right after prioritizing my mind-body connection before bed with yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, and stretching. My legs were calling for a plow pike and split stretch one day, so I gave them some. My intentions on my mat were joy, gratitude, and presence, and I really felt it. I relished in the gentle connection with my physical vessel, breathing in the earthy rose-scented candle, headphones in, pink flowy pants swaying with each plank to downward-facing dog. My body heats up just enough to stay tender, my bare feet pushing through the mat with the knuckles of my fingers, aligning my hips, syncing my breath with each movement. Even when I don’t feel like it, just stepping on my mat to do one thing, one stretch, one deep inhale and exhale, feels grounding and safe.
3. Quality > Quantity / communicate needs
Similar to how I prefer the quality of my relationships in contrast to the quantity of them, the quality of the time I spend is more important (to me) than the quantity. Communicating the need for rest and alone time isn’t easy, especially when there’s money and time being spent when visiting others and being visited by others. In the end, these expectations of showing up 24/7 are only put on me by myself. Knowing my circle, communicating my needs would almost always be met with compassion and grace.
rest
What a memory-filled last several weeks it has been. Writing, listening to my body, and communicating my needs are my new tools to conquer my next span of dynamic commitments. I’m now aware that when I feel the most depleted is when I’ve lingered away long enough from values that ground and center me. In some cases, recharging means alone time (and frankly more sleep), and in others it’s the motivation to stick to the daily habits that refresh my spirit and inner strength.
If you made it this far, go you! Consider reflecting with me in the comments or sharing your thoughts. I’d love to hear your unique experience, especially considering how subjective and malleable this topic is.
Reflection Opportunity:
How do you balance rest with action?
In what ways do you take care of your own energy levels?
What do you value in your social life?
What weekly habits regenerate your spirit?
Thank you for reading! Hope you’re all having a safe, warm, and nourishing rest of December.
With peace, love, and compassion,
Tea